Why I want to stab the C*V*S* Minute Clinic guy in the eye with a SPORK!!!

Let me preface this blog entry by telling you that normally I'm a big fan of the C*V*S* Minute Clinic. The Physicians Assistants (PA's) servicing these offices have always been kind and helpful to me and my kids when we've had to visit them instead of our regular pediatrician.

Until now!

It is flu shot season. Oh goodie! It is a necessary evil, but we get a shot each year - all four of us. I know a few people have had some issues with the flu shot and choose not to get them, but the flu shot has been our friend for the last five years and we see no reason to end that friendship anytime soon.

The girls have never been big fans of shots. Shoot - who is!?! And I definitely don't expect my two 5-year-olds to stand up and do a big cheer over the fact that someone will be jabbing a needle in their leg. 5-year-olds don't want shots - period! This is not some new revelation. But it was new to the moron servicing the Minute clinic on Tuesday.

I was prepared! The girls would get home from school, I would promise them a snack of ultimate greatness (any snack in the store girls) and we would get our shots and skip merrily out of the store. Tra-la-la-la-la.

Oh - what a hopeless optimist, I am.

If you've ever been to a C*V*S Minute Clinic you know you have to complete a computerized registration process outside the doors of the office. The door to the office was closed, so I knew someone else was in there. As I was completing the registration process, the girls had an "ah-ha" moment and realized they were there to get shots. Lovely.

I explained that I would get mine first so they could see it wasn't a big deal and then they would go. Anna was pretty complacent about the whole thing (I think she was already thinking how she could con me into the family fun size bag of M&M's). Ashlyn was not so thrilled. She wasn't having a fit, but was definitely crying. Again - she's 5.

The door to the office opened and another mother and her small child walked out. The 6-foot, 200 pound, 40-something, Einstein-Professor-without-the-mustache-looking PA walked out and quietly told me that I needed to come on in (I wasn't done with my registration yet). I figured he was being smart and going to get Ashlyn's shot over with first, but boy was I wrong.

Here's the actual conversation:

PA Moron (my affectionate name for him now): Ma'am, I won't be able to give her the shot today?

Me: What?

PA Moron: Yeah, I can't deal with her like this. (He uses vague hand motions to indicate Ashlyn. Ashlyn is still crying, but not flailing around or screaming her head off.)

Me: What do you mean you can't deal with her like this?

PA Moron: I'm just not willing to give her a shot with her in this condition.

Me: (Ready to pounce.) What do you mean "in this condition"? She's five. Five-year-olds aren't thrilled with getting shots. This can't be a surprise for you?!? (said with us much sarcasm as possible)

PA Moron: Ma'am I just can't do it. (Ashlyn is now even more upset and Anna is now thinking she should be upset because Ashlyn is - lovely.)

Me: You have got to be kidding me!?! (yep - I've definitely raised my voice at this point) I called 20 minutes ago and was told you give shots to anyone over 18 months old. Are you telling me you don't give shots to ANYONE shedding even a tear, or are you just not qualified?

PA Moron: um...um...um...

Me: So you are telling me you are not man enough to give a 5-year-old a shot? Fine! Do you think you are man enough to give me mine? (Now, thinking back on this I realize this wasn't the smartest thing to say considering this the man that will be jabbing a needle in my arm.)

PA Moron: Uh - yeah. You'll need to complete the rest of your registration.

Me: Fine (I read over the form which mentions something about taking medication for allergies. I tell him I had my allergy shots the previous day and that I confirmed with my allergy doctor that it was totally fine to get my flu shot.)

PA Moron: Yeah...then I won't be able to do your shot either.

Me: You are kidding, right?!? (voice is definitely raised here) I asked my allergy doctor about it and they said the flu shot can be given without a problem.

PA Moron: uhhhhh...no. I won't be able to do it.

Me: Well - you are completely useless.

I then storm out of the office with my two traumatized children. I see another mom with her child outside the office. I say, "Did you hear any of that?". She says, "yes" and then just shakes her head in compassion for me.
__________________________________

Follow up: I set up an appointment with our pediatrician's office yesterday to get the girls their flu shots. I wasn't about to tempt fate again and try C*V*S or Wal*greens. Ashlyn was literally flailing about and screaming her head off this time, and the 20-something, maybe 120-pound, dainty nurse and I took control of the situation and gave that shot to her.

Take that you weak, PA Moron!

I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie...

Situation: I was trying to clean out the van of the immense amounts of trash, old lollipops, hair bows, spider rings & Chuck E. Cheese tokens before letting the girls in to go somewhere (I don't even remember where now). We have the side doors that automatically close when you push a button on the door or on the key chain. I accidentally pushed the button with my elbow during the "cleaning" process, and was half in, half out of the van.

Van: BEEP! (door starts sliding closed)

Me: Oops!

Ashlyn & Anna: Uh, oh Mommy!

The sliding door hits me on the hip, stops the closing process and opens back up (safety feature on our van).

Anna: Thank goodness you've got a big butt Mommy. That door could have hurt you, but your big butt stopped it.

Me: Yep - I'm quite thankful for my big butt, honey.

Note to self...

Shelley – you are not in the comfort of your own home all the time anymore. You need to wait until you are in a door-closed-behind-you bathroom stall BEFORE unbuttoning your pants. Most people don’t want to see your unbuttoned pants and flashes of underwear as they exit the office building's public women's restroom.

You did what?!?!?

Scene: Last night after a full day of pumpkin farms and outside play. The girls are getting ready for bed. Anna is in the bonus room with Daddy playing her 1,001st game of Go Fish. Ashlyn is in the bathroom with me brushing her teeth. Anna and Daddy can see and hear us from the bonus room.

Me: Ok Ashlyn - please brush your teeth so we can get you in the shower.

Ashlyn: (brushing very slowly)

Me: C'mon Ashlyn - we only have a few minutes til bedtime and you need to get clean.

Ashlyn: (still brushing very slowly) Mommy, I have something to tell you. (That phrase is never good and I can tell by the way she has her head bowed that this is definitely not something good that is about to come out of her mouth.)

Me: What honey? (I say through gritted teeth.)

Ashlyn: Mommy, we washed the pumpkins.

Me: I know, I gave you the special towels to use. (They brought their small pumpkins upstairs to their bathroom to wash them and I gave them a couple old dishtowels to use to dry them.)

Ashlyn: Yeah, we used our toothbrushes.

Me: WHAT!!!!!!

Ashlyn: We used our toothbrushes to clean the pumpkins.

At this point, I walk (more like march) into the bonus room and ask Chris if he just heard that. He is trying to control his laughter and Anna says, "Ashlyn said to do it". Way to pass off that blame girlie-girl.

I then tried to explain to both girls why we don't need to wash anything but our teeth with our toothbrushes. That alone was a comical experience, but Chris and I were still giggling about them telling us the rest of the night.

Now I'm off to buy new toothbrushes!

Pumpkin Farm Time

One of our favorite yearly POTATO events is the Pumpkin Farm outing. We always have a great time and today was no different. The weather was perfect - maybe even a little too hot. We had great food and were able to visit with other POTATO families.

I've added pics to the flickr side bar (on the right side of the blog). Feel free to click anywhere on that "badge" and you can see all the pictures from today's adventure.

This picture was taken in the actual pumpkin field. The girls chose great pumpkins and they are now positioned right in front of the ones Chris & I chose as well as the two we grew in our own backyard.

Greetings from non-internet land

You would think I have given up caffeine again. My addiction to the internet and email has become amazingly clear for me the past few days as the girls and I are in Mississippi visiting my grandmother. Mimi (as we affectionately call her) doesn't have the internet...or a computer...or a garage door opener. I thought I might have to admit myself to technology rehab (as I was craving it bad!), but I found the remote control to the TV and that has calmed me down somewhat.

You see, I brought my laptop with me as I have been able to "borrow" the internet from Mimi's neighbors on previous visits. We have been here almost three days and this is the first time I've been able to get on the internet. Don't these neighbors know I have emails to answer and blogs to update!?! Geez people - increase your wireless strengths!

I first logged on to check on the status of Makenzie, check my email and play a few word games (priorities people!). Now I'm here updating the blog as I promised myself I would do better at that (and the grandparents are starting to send vicious hate mail).

First - do you remember the pumpkin plant we had in our back yard? Well - it wielded two nice pumpkins. Here's a pic of the girls with our "crop". And - as a side note - do you know how nasty it is to clean up the debris left from a LARGE pumpkin plant? NASTY!!!! The inside of the pumpkin vine looks just like the inside of a pumpkin - orange and stringy and gooey. Double ICK! We are quite proud of ourselves for this unintentional agricultural experiment and will definitely attempt to do it again.

Second - we thought we were being wonderful parents and decided to take the girls to a Halloween movie night (Shrek & It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown) on Saturday at a nearby park/subdivision. We had the blankets, chairs and drinks packed. We showed up right on time - one day late. Yep - the movie night was Friday - as it was CLEARLY posted on the ad we had cut out and brought with us as well as the LARGE signage entering the subdivision. We already felt stupid enough, but the best was when one of the girls said, as they made it abundantly clear how unhappy they were about the situation, "What kind of parents are you?!?!"

That's all for now as I'm not sure how much longer my pirated internet will stay up and running. I'll (hopefully) post more later.

Thank Goodness!!!!

Our computer is up and running again.

Quick details.

Over a week ago the home computer died. Tried using can of "air" to clean all the insides and make it feel nice and fresh again to start working. Didn't work. Tried hurling can of air at computer to make it work. Didn't work. Took it in to new Tech guy at work and promised cans of Red Bull and an assortment of pocket protectors. Hallelujah! It works.

I tease, but a big thanks to Josh for fixing my "baby". Now - I only have about a month's worth of posts to catch up on. I had better get to work.