I have NO clue what I'm doing!

Nana & Pappy gave me Photoshop Elements 6 for Christmas. I was so excited! Now I'm trying to figure out how to work it. The first thing I figured out how to do was take wrinkles and other unpleasant facial features off. I swear I look years younger (ok - at least a few days younger).

I also figured out how to do this (ooohhhhhh....aaaahhhhhh):

That's all I'm up to so far. I just loaded it on my computer this morning so give me some time.

________________________________

We're off to the Music City Bowl Game today! Yoohoo! Go UK!

________________________________

Happy New Year everyone! We're heading over to the Lawrence's after the game for some crazy game playing to celebrate the New Year. Not sure if I'll make it to midnight or not.

Holiday Recap

I'm just going to list these rants, raves and reviews in no specific order. I'm so dedicated to this blog that I want to make sure I get all the details down so as not to forget anything and disappoint our readers. Well - that and I am postponing the whole take-down-the-Christmas-decorations thing. ICK!

1. I have bronchitis. Lovely. Because what is a holiday without a little sickness. The girls and I have had the sniffles for about a week and mine turned into a sinus infection which then became bronchitis (I'm such an over achiever). I went to the doctor yesterday and received two wonderful shots that are making feel dramatically better today. Thank goodness. As an added benefit, the steroid shot made me SUPER hyper yesterday afternoon so I was able to get some things done around the house before becoming a dizzy freak and passing out on the floor.

2. The girls picked out their own gift for each other this year. You could literally hear the wheels in their heads turning as the deliberated what to get each other - Do I get what I want vs. Do I get something Sissy will like? Oh the conflict! Ashlyn's choice for Anna was actually pretty easy as Anna (our dainty flower) is ALL into Spiderman and Superheros in general (GIRL POWER), so Ashlyn gave her a "bad man" (as Anna likes to call the villains) for Anna's Spiderman to battle. Anna chose a more interesting present for Ashlyn (see photo). Matel's sick version of this Barbie (called Pooper Scooper Barbie - I kid you not) has a dog that not only eats real food, but also poops real poop. And to make the whole process even more disturbing - the "pellets" the dog eats are the same one the dog poops. This means when you want to feed the dog you are actually feeding him his own poop. Lovely. The geniuses that came up with this product need to have their noses rubbed in poop, or - at the very least - they need to come over here and keep up with the 10 itty-bitty pieces of food/poop that came with this stupid doll.

Side note: Went to Wal-Mart yesterday for some after-Christmas sales and saw a bazillion of these Barbies in the otherwise picked-over toy section. hmmmm....not surprising...

3. My children have become members of the paparazzi. They received kiddie digital cameras for Christmas (thanks Nana). After we got the suckers out of the box (who makes that plastic packaging anyway? They should have their noses rubbed in Barbie's dog's poop as well. Let's just line these product creators up and take them out one-by-one), the girls started snapping away. Nonstop. We felt like Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan with all the flashing (without the psychotic episodes or baldness) . I plan on downloading some of their pics, but they keep deleting them all before I can get to the cameras.

4. My mom and I went after-Christmas shopping to get some deals on next year's Christmas decorations. I always buy my Christmas cards for the next year at this time too. Found some cards I loved. See anything wrong with them? Take your time...look a little closer....

The freakin' year!!!! I can't believe I bought these cards (with my mother also telling me how nice they were) without either one of us noticing the "2007" at the bottom. It isn't like they are small numbers! Geez I'm an idiot!

5. We are going to the Music City Bowl Game on Monday to watch my UK Wildcats beat Florida State to a pulp. Of course, since FSU won't have many players left to play they may have to recruit some people from the stands to play. Pitiful! We still plan on having a good time.

6. Write it down in your record books people - my parents got the girls a toy for Christmas that requires batteries. This literally makes me bend over laughing as I was not allowed ANY toys that required batteries growing up. In fact, I think the first item I had that required batteries was a calculator my calculus class required in high school. So sad...I'm surprised Child Services wasn't beating down our door to save me from such a horrible living situation (ha). They did have a good time playing "store" with the girls though. Maybe they will turn from the dark side and cross over to battery utopia now.

7. I make calendars for all the grandparents and great-grandparents for Christmas each year with pics of the girls. I accidentally forgot to send Mimi's (my mom's mom) calendar in the package I mailed two weeks ago and didn't realize it til the presents started dwindling down Christmas morning. Oops. She was NOT happy with me and made no qualms telling me about it on the phone that afternoon. "Shelley, I'm missing something in my package. WHERE IS MY CALENDAR!" That package is going out today! Yes ma'am!

8. My 17-year-old brother-in-law recently ran up his family's cell phone bill. I won't even divulge the amount as it is ASTRONOMICAL. Let's just say Verizon is making him their new spokesperson and having a parade in his honor. Anyway, we always tend to give him money or a gift card for Christmas. This year we decided to have a little fun with the whole phone bill situation. Chris picked out a great card that basically said he had been a "naughty boy" and then we enclosed a check. The check was made out to his mom. Took him a minute to catch on to that, but it finally hit him. Priceless moment, simply priceless. His mom (Nana) thoroughly enjoyed it.

9. I made the girls waffles on my new George Forman Grill this morning (thanks Papaw & Mamaw). They turned out great! Chris and I are now thinking about opening our own Waffle House now. YUM!

That's all I can think of for now. Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Ok - if you are not family you may not be interested in this post, but feel free to check out the pictures from our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day celebrations. I plan on posting full details of the last few days' events including some product reviews and general "rants & raves". That will be a bit more entertaining (I hope) - especially for those out there reading this that aren't swimming in our families' gene pools.

Quick review and time frame...we celebrated Christmas with the Riggs side of the family on Saturday (those pics are on the previous post). On Christmas Eve my parents came down from Kentucky and Chris' Mom's side of the family (Sloans) came over for dinner (yes - be shocked - I prepared TWO holiday dinners - alert the media - Food Network is already calling me to host my own show). My parents then went to Opryland to see the gazillion decorations there and we had Christmas with the Sloans. The Sloans headed home after the festivities and my parents hung around for the chaos that was to be our Christmas at home on Christmas morning.

The first set of slides is from Christmas Eve and the second set is from Christmas morning.

Enjoy!

On the 3rd Day of Christmas...

Yes, yes, yes...a day off again...blah, blah, blah...

Yesterday we celebrated Christmas with the Riggs side of the family - Papaw, Mamaw, Travis and Yayoi. We had a wonderful dinner (if I do say so myself - I cooked it!) and then proceeded to the gift opening.

We received some great presents, but the hit of the day for the girls was their new Leapsters. Holy cow these things are amazing. And they beat the heck out of the Atari hubby and I used to play. In fact, the reason I can post this is because they are upstairs completely oblivious of anything but those games. Amazing!

Oh - and since Mamaw & Papaw gave us the new and improved George Forman Grill (with handy-dandy removable, dishwash-able plates), we had a funeral ceremony for our old GF Grill that we've had since we were married. That sucker was a beast to clean and I would curse George Forman every time I got it out. We hummed "Taps" as we walked it out to the garbage bin and then I hurled it in there as quickly as possible.

Here are a few pics from the day. Anna has the green bow in and Ashlyn has the red bow in.

On the 4th Day of Christmas...

Dang it! I knew we were too lucky not to have someone get sick before Christmas! Ashlyn woke up with that seal barking cough of Croup. Lovely - just lovely.

Luckily, she doesn't have the fever that can sometimes go along with it which usually means it was brought on by allergies (a lovely trait handed down MANY generations of my family). Unfortunately, she feels a little icky which will keep us inside today. We had planned on a full day of cookie baking with a friend and her little girls, but that will have to wait til after the holidays.

Actually, that is probably a blessing in disguise as a good friend of mine and Chris' uncle & aunt sent us these LARGE boxes of beautiful cookies. I'm sure every one of those gorgeous cookies have less than 10 calories - right? Right? C'mon - someone throw me a bone here and tell me that they are the new & exciting fat-free, calorie-free version of cookies. No? Dang it!

As I prepare for a day of pitifulness from Ashlyn being sick and jealous whining from Anna, I leave you with a picture I forgot we took the morning after we put up the Christmas tree. Notice the stuffed bears are kissing too. See, they really do show love for each other - sometimes!

On the 5th Day of Christmas...

This pretty much speaks for itself. And NO snowball fight is complete without a little George Clooney.

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

On the 6th Day of Christmas...

Yeah - I'm caught up again! And who cares that I missed the 9th Day?!? That 9th day is over-rated anyway. As much as my hubby would like to have "nine ladies dancing", he can just get over it.


And "your welcome" honey.


Want to know why?


The girls and I went shopping for your Christmas gifts from them today. Let's just say you are lucky you WILL NOT be opening a Barbie baseball cap (with attached pink hair) and a Harley Davidson cigarette lighter that lights up when "flicked".


Love ya - mean it!

On the 7th Day of Christmas....

I know, I know - I'm a day behind again. I'll get to it eventually.

So for today...

THIS STORY is what gives my home state of Kentucky a bad name. Why, oh why must Kentuckians give the rest of the free world reasons to make fun of us!

GEEZ!

On the 8th Day of Christmas...

I'm skipping the freakin' 9th day darn it! Just deal with it and move on. Ho! Ho! Ho!

This stuff here...



...works like a charm to get your 4-year-old (Anna) to stop sucking her thumb. It tastes horrible!!!!! Want to know how I know how bad it tastes?

1. I tried a TINY dab of it before using it on her thumbnail the first time. Icky.

2. My husband flung his arm my way while I was holding an open bottle of the stuff (totally an accident - I think) yesterday. I'm thinking at least a teaspoon of the stuff landed in my mouth coating the entire inside of it. This was NOT GOOD! I spent the rest of the day trying to get the stuff out of my mouth. Even after a shower (as it was on my hands and neck too) and brushing the inside of my mouth with my toothbrush, I could STILL taste it.

And the taste...think nail polish remover, meets bleach, meets some sort of furniture lacquer. NASTY doesn't even begin to describe. Plus - it lingers - a LLLLLOOOONNNNNGGGGG time. I swear I can still taste it today.

On the 10th Day of Christmas...

Yes - I'm STILL one day behind! Stop judging me! I'll catch up eventually.

We went to a birthday party yesterday - a rolling skating birthday party - my girls have never been on roller skates - hmmm....makes for an interesting adventure, doesn't it.

They had a ball. The birthday girl was Bella - a girl from their soccer team. And there was enough sugar there (cake, candy, cookies) that we would have been able to make about a million gingerbread houses - literally. Nothing like loading up a bunch of 5-year-olds with sugar and putting them on some wheels. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Chris and I are a little sore from acting as a catch net for two hours, but we had a good time.

Here are the little skaters (I threw the helmets in the van at the last minute - thank goodness). Anna's in brown and Ashlyn's in pink

And now a few open letters...

______________________________________________

Dear oblivious mother in the Target concessions line,

I want to know what kind of ear plugs you have that you do not hear the incessant whining of your 6-year-old child the ENTIRE time you are in line (busy day - long line). They must work pretty well as you didn't even turn your head when he looked at my daughter and said "stupid" while sticking his tongue out at her. You didn't even so much as bat an eye when I told your son (again, we are RIGHT behind them), "OH NO! You will NOT talk to her that way!" while I stepped up a few steps to get closer to his face. You are lucky that I had more concern for my daughter (who was crying at this point because of your son's actions) because if I would have had my way I would have picked him up by his ear lobes and shoved him in the popcorn popper. Then I would have come back to you and woken you up from your obvious oblivion by shoving you face down into nacho cheese sauce.

_____________________________________________

Dear well-meaning elderly couple,

When I am trying to wrestle my crying children into the van because they are now hysterical over not going to the pet store (another story for another day), it is probably not the best time for you to pull up beside me and tell me how precious they are or ask me what it is like to have twins. You are lucky all I did was smile and turn around because what I wanted to do was say a few choice words about your impeccable timing and lack of a brain.

On the 11th Day of Christmas (one day late - again)

Dang it! I had the best intentions to do another post yesterday to catch me up to the right day of Christmas - oh well. Just deal with it!

So, do you know what this is...

One of my most vivid Christmas memories was helping my Grandma Cook (my Dad's mother) make Christmas candy and cookies. She was an amazing cook and loved putting together goodies for friends and family. She used to make these "haystacks" and I always thought they were neat looking - not like all the other cookies all decorated and pretty. They were messy - perfect for a little kid to help make.

And that is what I did this year. My girls and I made these yesterday. Even the smell of the butterscotch melting brought back such wonderful memories with my Grandma.

She was quite a character and I miss her so much. I hate that she was never able to see the girls. On my last visit to her in the hospital, I just knew I wouldn't be seeing her again. I also had a "feeling" I was pregnant. I was right on both counts.

So these "haystacks" we made are dedicated to her. "Cookie" was her nickname - quite appropriate.

P.S. I wasn't able to complete one of her traditions associated with making holiday goodies - that would be accidentally sticking one of my breasts into the batter by mistake. She used to do it frequently. Let's just say my Grandma Cook was quite well endowed.

The 12 Days of Christmas - One Day Late

Okay - I have a new task for myself. I love Christmas time! I love every little part of it. Okay - maybe not the immense commercialism, but everything else works for me.

So I am going to do 12-Days of Christmas posts - starting today - yep, one day late. This first post will count as yesterday's post and I'll do another one by the end of the day.

My first post? Quite exciting actually! A picture of the girls with Santa Cow. Yes - you read right - Santa Cow. We LOVE Chick-Fil-A and who wouldn't with a Holly Jolly Santa Cow as your spokesperson. I mean, what Christmas isn't complete without a visit to the Santa Cow.

Santa Cow was at the local Chick-Fil-A this week, so we packed up the van and headed out to visit him - along with the rest of the children in this county. Can you say "crammed together like sardines"?

This picture made the crowd much more bearable. Anna's on the left - Ashlyn's on the right. Santa Cow is the one in middle - just in case you weren't sure - or are borderline blind.

Now let's sing some Christmas songs - O Holy Moo, Silent Moo, It Came Upon a Moo-night Clear, Little Moo-er Boy, Oh Come All We Moo-ful, Jingle Moos...Man, I'm cheesy!

A Caroling We Will Go

Because Heaven forbid I actually be able to enjoy a "Mother's Day Out", the girls' preschool/MDO made arrangements to visit the local senior citizen center to do some caroling. This has been a topic around our house for over a week and everyone was excited about it. (By "everyone" I mean the girls - I was just okay with it - I figured there would be treats so it was worth the trip for me.)

Yesterday was the day! The girls put on the little snowmen shirts I helped ALL the 4 & 5 year-olds make on an earlier day, put their bows in their head and warmed their vocal chords up all the way to school (you know, a little Celine Dion, a little Mariah Carey, a little Laurie Berkner...).

Here are a few of their performances (actually one as Blogger won't let me download more than one). Sorry - it is a LOT like watching a tennis match as it would have been just WAY too convenient for them to have put my girls together. Anna is in the black bow and Ashlyn is in the red bow. And pardon the elderly backs-of-the-head shots. I kept shoving them out of the way, but they were like weeble wobbles. I just couldn't knock'em down! Darn old people!

I'm cheating...kinda

I have nothing exciting to post today and I'm too much of a slacker to put together anything about the Mississippi road trip, so when my friend Courtney called me up and asked to write up something about a recent event in her life for her blog I jumped at the chance. For some reason, doing other people's blogs is inspiring to me - crazy!

So check THIS out. I hope you enjoy it.

Attention all Cracker Barrel Bathroom Visitors

I have a recap of the road trip the girls, my Dad and I made to Mississippi, but that will have to wait til I have a bit more time. Til then, please enjoy the dialogue below that happened in a Cracker Barrel bathroom somewhere between Nashville, TN & Jackson, MS.

Setting: Cracker Barrel bathroom - two other stalls occupied as well as mine.
Circumstances: Already made the girls go potty and am now taking my turn (I know, too much info, but this is VERY important to the story). Girls are standing outside my stall with feet under the stall door so I can make sure they don't run off, bust out the bathroom door and break all the Yankee Candles on the shaky shelf right there (WHY would you put that display there!!!!).

Ashlyn: Mommy, are you going pee-pee?
Anna: Mommy, are you going poo-poo too?
Me: Girls, I'll be out in a second - please be quiet.
Ashlyn: Well, are you going pee-pee or poo-poo?
Anna: Is it a big poo-poo Mommy? Are you wiping front to back?
Lady in stall next to me: (uncontrollable laughter)
Me: Girls, please keep your voices down.
Anna: Hi Mommy - I can see you through the crack! (crack in the stall door - she's waving)
Ashlyn: Mommy, I can see you too. You don't have any pants on!!!!
Anna: (peeking under the stall door) Hi Mommy! Look! I see you under the door. Are you still going pee-pee?
Lady in stall next to me: (literally snorting she is laughing so hard) I'm so sorry to be laughing, but they sound so cute.
Me: (as sarcastically as humanly possible) Yes - they are precious. Are you interested in one or both of them? They come free with a Yankee Candle purchase...

Can we say, "Stir Crazy"?

My mom (Grandma to the girls) has been in Mississippi for almost a year now helping with my grandmother. My grandmother has had surgery on her shoulder (all those gymnastics classes she's been taking lately) and then fell and broke her arm. Plus, my grandfather passed away during all this. Been a bit crazy for the Felten side of our family.

Anyway, my mother has about hit her limit on being away from her own home and is ready to leave now that my grandmother has received a good report from her doctor and she can drive again.

So, the girls, my Dad (Grandpa) and I headed down south (or at least further south) to Pearl, Mississippi (you have to sat that with a southern drawl to make it authentic) Wednesday and we are heading back tomorrow. The girls have had a good time with Grandma and Mimi (my grandmother). Maybe a bit too much fun...

I think we may have to admit my mother to a mental facility when she gets back home. So sad...such a wonderful mind...and now she has lost it...and I think she's dragging my children down with her.

***Those "things" they have in their mouths are some sort of sick style of shrinky dink thingies my uncle made when he was a little boy about 45-50 years ago. ICK! I'm sure he'll get a kick out of seeing them in use though.

Just Killin' Time...

Ah - the poetic lyrics of Clint Black. Also brings back memories of getting my big sister in my college sorority - she made me sing that song at the top of my lungs in front of quite a crowd of people (nooooo....there was NO hazing in sororities...wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

Anyway, I feel like time has gotten away from me. So let's see if I can catch everyone up on the goings on at the Riggs household. Hopefully I'll have some more things to post about after Thanksgiving.

1. Anna had the same AWFUL procedure Ashlyn had about 2 years ago to see if anything was wrong with her urinary tract. Poor girl kept getting UTI's. Fortunately, there is nothing anatomically wrong with her - she just inherited this lovely trait (frequent UTI's) from me - lovely. She was quite a trooper during the procedure - the girls are my heroes!

2. I'm a preschool mom pawn no more! After picking up 13 meals from McDonald's for my daughters' "Thanksgiving meal" I decided one of the other 12 mothers in each girls' class can step up and take over for a bit. I'm sure this will start some sort of cat fight when the Christmas party rolls around, but I'm ready. I'm thinking of getting one of those cute new pink stun guns and I just might be packin' at that party.

3. I'm in the midst of Christmas shopping. I had high hopes at the beginning of the year and actually bought a few gifts in the spring. That ambition died quickly and now I'm playing catch-up. I am almost done though - hooray!

4. I received a call from my old workplace to do a project - yeah! That will help offset the cost of Vanessa's Tummy Tuck/Boob Job. Now I just have to find the time to complete the project. It has been a while since I worked on a project for them and I'm not sure I have much of a work ethic now. Maybe I'll just sit at my computer and play solitaire - that seems about right.

5. The girls and I are planning a road trip with Grandpa (my Dad) to Mississippi to see Grandma and Mimi. The girls are already VERY excited. I think they are already working on a mixed tape with some road trip songs. Yoo hoo!

6. We're heading to the big town (MUCH sarcasm there) of McMinnville, TN to enjoy Thanksgiving with Mamaw & Papaw and Travis & Yayoi. Mamaw is a FANTASTIC cook so we can't wait to get there and latch on the feed bag. I asked if there was anything I could bring and they told me "no" - I'm definitely not going to argue with that. Plus, anything I might make would not even slightly compare to how good she could make something. I'm literally drooling already. Ah, sweet tryptophan, carry my off to dreamland.

7. I celebrated my 35th birthday this past Sunday. I'm old. Yeehaw! I share my birthday with Mickey Mouse - he's MUCH older than me. HA!

8. I can't believe I haven't taken ANY pictures in November! That is insane as I am such a camera slut. So here are a couple shots of the girls receiving their soccer trophies at the end-of-the-season celebration dinner/bowling event. Anna is in brown/Ashlyn is in orange.




Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Why, oh WHY didn't I take Auto Mechanics in School!?!

I hate vehicles! With as much fiery passion as I hate Wal-Mart (different post for a different day) I hate my minivan. Let me tell you it is definitely not the "minivan that drives like a sports car" right now (true sales pitch for the Mazda MPV Minivan when we bought the sucker about 6 years ago). More like a "minivan that moves like an old biddy with a walker" on the highway.

Last week I had the emissions test done on the minivan. This is something you have to do in Tennessee before paying the annual registration fee. I think it is all a farce and is a way for the state to embezzle $9 per vehicle - genius!

Anyway - all was fine til I started to get on the interstate. I was pressing the gas, the engine was "revving", but the speed was not increasing - lovely! I was able to get to about 50 miles per hour and had about 3 semis coming up behind me - again, lovely. Thankfully, my exit was the next one down so I was able to make it without too many people honking their horns at me (I've got your license plate numbers suckers - not sure what I'll do with them, but I'll figure something out).

So - after an hour long visit to the dealership the very nice head of the service department (not being a smart a** here, he really is nice - must be some sort of mutated dealership employee) told me the bad news. Vanessa (the girls' nickname for the minivan) needed a boob job and a tummy tuck - ok - not really - but that would be what I would consider the equivalent of a new transmission.

As the cost of this overhaul almost knocked me over, I thought I would be a bit more creative in retelling that part of the story. Here goes:

A new transmission for Vanessa equals:

1. 7 pairs of brand new Jimmy Choo shoes
2. 700 boxes of Starbuck's Refresh Tazo tea bags
3. 10 Kate Spade Tarrytown Samson purses
4. 40 American Girl dolls
5. 1 lower level 2008 Super Bowl ticket
6. 35 one-hour-long messages
7. 9 iPhones
8. 5 Wii Customer Choice Bundles

Happy Birthday, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year's, Happy Valentine's Day, Happy St. Patrick's Day, Happy Easter, Happy Mother's Day and Happy 4th of July 2007, 2008, 2009 & 2010 to me!

Why, oh why - didn't I go to a vocational school and learn the amazing skill of auto mechanics. I just HAD to have that Public Relations & Psychology degree! Dang it!

Dancin' Machines

We went to Ghouls at Grassmere (Halloween event at our local zoo) the weekend before Halloween and had a BLAST. As we were leaving, the zoo had a HUGE video screen playing slides taken from various areas of the zoo and had Halloween music blasting. This - of course - meant we had to break into dance. I swear these girls remind me more of their father every day. I think you'll see what I mean - love ya honey - mean it.


Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

Candy Overdose!!!

I'm working on another post with all sorts of stuff that I'm sure you could care less about, but I knew that if I didn't get Halloween pictures on this blog before the end of the day that all the grandparents would be calling and harrassing us - and I don't want to have to put a restraining order on all of them again (just kidding).

Ashlyn (L) & Anna (R) gearing up for Trick-or-Treating.

Ashlyn (L), Mommy & Anna (R) (yes, those are pigtails in my hair - don't laugh - I know I look like Eddie Munster)

Anna cheesing it up for the camera.

Ashlyn is striking fear in her football opponents (yeah, right).

A few venting letters & a pic

Dear Very Capable Grandparent of the Pre-School Child in My Daughter's Class,

I agree with you that a trip to a pet store less than 1 mile from the preschool leaves little to be desired and that the school obviously did not take into account the numerous children and parents that are effected by pet dander. I was not thrilled with this choice either, but I knew I was going along to make sure my girls behaved themselves and to - apparently - become a shuttle bus for other children (I'll address that in another strongly worded letter). I would assume (silly me) that the other guardians that tagged along would think the same thing of their duties. Obviously - these rules did not apply to you.

You see - ma'am - when I saw you SHOPPING for grooming tools, dog food, and pet carriers on the opposite side of the store than where your grandchild was located it was all I could do not to grab you by your perfectly coiffed granny hair and sling you head first out the automatic doors hoping you would land in some of the pet excrement that always seems to be lingering outside the walls of Pet*Smart. You even had the audacity of pulling aside an employee that was apparently trying to help our group (36 kids + 3 teachers + 20 or so "guardians") through the store during our exhilarating tour of "petdom". I'm sure little Fifi, Fufu, Bitsy, or whatever the inane name of your precious little pet needed some of those items, but I can tell you with ALL assurance that this was NOT the time for a shopping spree.

Lucky for you I was too busy DOING MY JOB of watching over my two children (and sometimes your grandchild) to actually act on that impulse.

Consider this your warning because if I'm on another field trip with you and you pull this crap I will SO end up with some of your hair in my hands!

_____________________________________________________________

Dear Pre-School Parents with only one child to tote to Pet*Smart field trip,

It is well known at our preschool that I have twins and that they are in separate classes. You would think it would be safe for all the other parents to assume that I'm going to have to take both of them in my van.

So - why, oh why do you stand there in silence when the teachers ask if someone can take another child whose parents weren't able to be there to Pet*Smart? I know the one child you are taking (all of 1 mile mind you) must be quite a burden, but suck it up and take another one with you. For the 3rd time I have had to take extra children with me to field trips because no other parent will step up.

This ends now!

For the next field trip you will not only take your child, but you will take mine as well as the teacher (yep, done that too) and I will take my butt to Starbucks for an overpriced hot chocolate.

Oh - and while you are watching my children on the field trip be sure to keep your eye out for a shopping granny. Yank a few hairs for me.

______________________________________________

And here is a pick of the girlies from the Fall Festival our Homeowner's Association had last weekend.

Be afraid...be very afraid...

Not of this spider...

But of who carved it...

ME! Let me tell you, the ACT's were easier than carving this stupid pumpkin. Holy cow! Who knew all that was involved in carving a pumpkin.

Ashlyn was quite the helper and assisted in digging the seeds out of the pumpkin "goo", because we all know that I am SO going to toast those bad boys Martha Stewart style. Yeah - those seeds are still sitting on my kitchen counter. Now - how the heck do I get them all in the toaster?


And Anna? She watched for about 1 minute and then proceeded to play one of her favorite sports which made Chris so proud.

Want to know what happens when you have a full weekend of activities (soccer game, Fall Festival, pumpkin carving, major play time outside)?

Painted Pumpkins and the Stolen Meme

Hmmm...that would make a great book title. Too bad I have absolutely ZERO aspirations of writing a book (unless offered large amounts of money...wink, wink).

First the MeMe - which I stole from DallasK & Rant n Ravin'. These name things are always interesting (at least they are to me).

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet, current car)
Pepper Mazda (my band is the Minivan Mama’s)

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream, favorite cookie)
Strawberry Chocolate Chip (doesn’t really strike fear does it?)

3. YOUR FLY “GUY/GIRL” NAME:(first initial first name, first 3 letters last name)
S-Rig (not sounding too “fly” to me)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal)
Blue Giraffe (that just doesn’t even make sense)

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, city where you were born)
Michelle Covington (that one is dead on – hysterical)

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters last name, first 2 letters first name)
Rigsh (sounds like someone trying to hold in a sneeze)

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink and add” the”)
The Yellow Sunkist (my villains quiver in fear)

8. NASCAR NAME:(first names of your grandfathers)
Lewis Ray

9. STRIPPER NAME:(favorite perfume, favorite candy)
Issey Miyake Starburst

10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s and father’s middle names)
Louise Edison

And - for your viewing pleasure - a picture of the pumpkins the girls painted yesterday. They worked on them for quite a while even though it looks like they just threw paint at them. Ashlyn was convinced that her pumpkin (the small one) needed more and more orange paint (interesting...). I've never been able to understand comtemporary art!

In Search of the Great Pumpkin!

Here are several photos from the POTATO Pumpkin Farm Event last Saturday. We had a great time.

Seriously?

Dear Mr. Belichick,

You are the head coach for a team that has won the Super Bowl several times under your command. We know you make some cash. Hire a personal shopper or at least see if the Queer Eye guys can pay you a visit. A sweatshirt with the sleeves cut out? Seriously?

And - I'm not a Cowboy's fan - but did you really have to put the nail in the coffin with that last touchdown Sunday? You had already beaten them senseless. Were those extra 7 points really worth it for you?

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dear College Football Ranking idiots,

I watched the UK vs. LSU game on Saturday. I squealed like a crazy woman when UK won. Last time I checked if one team beats another team that means they are better than that team. Why - oh - why is LSU #4 and UK #7? I don't give a flip about toughness of schedule, % of wins against whichever team, or the price of tea in China. All I know is UK beat LSU and that means we're better!!!!!

I will now take my ball and go home! Or at least I will as soon as I take a huge box of Kleenex to my LSU-loving neighbor - har dee har har.

Wish Lists

As I am already starting to get requests from family regarding our Christmas Wish Lists, I thought I would make it a bit easier this year and post our lists on this blog. This way any generous person wanting to send a gift our way (family, friend, millionaire stranger) will know exactly what we want (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

The lists are in the right-hand side bar - just scroll down a bit and you'll see them. There is one for me first (of course - I do all the work on this blog so I'm putting my list first dang it!), then the girls' list and then Chris'. Chris is NOTORIOUS for not giving any suggestions for gifts so his list is on the bottom - love ya honey, but you gotta step it up or you're gonna get coal for Christmas - again.

I'm still adding things to the list as I see items we might like so feel free to check back often. AND - I have a birthday coming up in November so feel free to go ahead and purchase any listed gifts for that National Holiday as well.

Team Pics

Saturday was team picture day for the STARS soccer team. I like to affectionately call it "Picture Extortionist Day" as the package prices are a little high - especially for a photo that takes about 2 seconds to shoot - especially when you are having to pay for two soccer players.

I asked if the girls could be photographed together and they were. The other parents told me how great an idea that was and that it would be a precious picture of them together. I wasn't going for cute - I was going for cheap! Two soccer players in one picture = one less package I have to buy.

The professional ones will be much better I'm sure (they had better be!), but here are a few previews. Ashlyn has the black headband on and Anna has the white one.

Monday Morning Mania

We went to the Nashville Zoo on Friday. Apparently there is a new exhibit. Check it out.


Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

Soccer - Part XIXXIVLMNOP...

I know some of you will get sick of seeing soccer pics, but I just gotta post a few from Saturday's game (which we won 4-0 making our team - The Stars - UNDEFEATED - not that I keep score because it isn't about the score, it is about having fun playing the game, blah, blah, blah...).

The first pic is Ashlyn as goalie - a position she CAN'T STAND, but asked to do anyway. She still became quite "pouty" when no one hit the ball toward her. The second pic is Anna in the middle of all the action - with her shoe untied.

Letter to Awning-Hogging Drop-Off Man

Dear Sir (or jerk as the case may be),

Not sure if you noticed, but it was raining cats & dogs this morning during pre-school drop off. Well, of course you noticed as you whipped your van carrying your one child right under the awning spot like Dale Earnhardt, Jr. doing a pit stop. I mean why would you EVEN think that those of us hauling 3 children into preschool (we brought a friend's little one with us today) would need to park under there as I can easily get out of the van, run to the back, get everyone's backpacks, lunchboxes, sleep mats & blankets; place backpacks on said 3 children; give them their lunchboxes and coerce them into running to the door to the preschool through the torrential downpour (the animals were lining up two-by-two I tell ya).

Does "drowned rat" mean anything to you? Because if I would have been able to catch up to you then that is how you would have described me to the police when filling out the report to have me thrown in jail for doing a full smack-down on your tail!

So - I STRONGLY suggest you no longer hog one of only two awning-covered spaces next time it rains during drop off. It is very likely you will have your van doused with whatever we mothers (the MAJORITY of those dropping off kids) happen to have in our vans (purell, sunscreen, leftover juice box contents, dirty diapers, etc.).

This is your one and only warning.

Idiot!

I loves me a good yard sale!

I was in charge of our Homeowners' Associations' Community Yard Sale this weekend. For those of you playing at home, I still can't say "no" to help with things. Actually, I've been serving on the HOA's Social Committee for about a year and it hasn't been too bad. Have even met some great new friends. Now - let's all join hands and sing Kumbaya!

Anyway - most of you know that Chris and I are all about being cheap. My heart truly flutters when I think I might get a great deal, so the prospect of being able to shop multiple yard sales in one morning - all within walking distance about made me pee myself (sorry to be so graphic, but it is true).

I strolled out our front door telling myself I was just going to scope out the sales and remind people of the Goodwill truck that would be here that afternoon for any pickups.

We all know how this turns out - you know I had to buy some stuff. So here's my stash from Saturday.

These were just too adorable not to get. They are pretty cheesy actually, but I couldn't pass up anything UK-related. Especially when they only cost $1. Plus, they were both framed professionally - you can't beat that. No clue where I'll hang them, but I'll find a place. There was NO way I was going to let these end up going to Goodwill!

These bins (there's another one I bought too) were actually holding other items this family was selling. I asked to make sure the couple was selling them for $1 each and then promptly dumped everything in the bins to buy them. I did help them clean up the mess I had just made.

I bought two of these - still in the packages. These are small magnetic containers that can be screwed into the wall. They hold smaller items - like scrapbook accessories. Got two of those babies for 50 cents - booyah!

So that was my haul from Saturday. I saw a few other items, but controlled myself. Chris was quite proud.

And on the 12th day...

...I finally posted something new. Geez! The time got away from me. The girls have been sick (it is that time of year again) and things have just been crazier than usual.

Anyway, to make up for my latest disappearance I thought I would entertain you with some video footage of the girlies dancing.

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

Our 1st Game!

We won! 3 to 1 - not that we were keeping score....because we aren't supposed to do that....because these are just 4/5 year olds and they are just playing for fun...yeah, right....I'm as competitive as they come and I'm keeping score dang it!

Pics (clockwise): The STARS listening to the coach. Anna fiddling with her jersey. Ashlyn as goalie (Definitely NOT her favorite position). Ashlyn trying to figure out what Anna is doing.