Why I want to stab the C*V*S* Minute Clinic guy in the eye with a SPORK!!!

Let me preface this blog entry by telling you that normally I'm a big fan of the C*V*S* Minute Clinic. The Physicians Assistants (PA's) servicing these offices have always been kind and helpful to me and my kids when we've had to visit them instead of our regular pediatrician.

Until now!

It is flu shot season. Oh goodie! It is a necessary evil, but we get a shot each year - all four of us. I know a few people have had some issues with the flu shot and choose not to get them, but the flu shot has been our friend for the last five years and we see no reason to end that friendship anytime soon.

The girls have never been big fans of shots. Shoot - who is!?! And I definitely don't expect my two 5-year-olds to stand up and do a big cheer over the fact that someone will be jabbing a needle in their leg. 5-year-olds don't want shots - period! This is not some new revelation. But it was new to the moron servicing the Minute clinic on Tuesday.

I was prepared! The girls would get home from school, I would promise them a snack of ultimate greatness (any snack in the store girls) and we would get our shots and skip merrily out of the store. Tra-la-la-la-la.

Oh - what a hopeless optimist, I am.

If you've ever been to a C*V*S Minute Clinic you know you have to complete a computerized registration process outside the doors of the office. The door to the office was closed, so I knew someone else was in there. As I was completing the registration process, the girls had an "ah-ha" moment and realized they were there to get shots. Lovely.

I explained that I would get mine first so they could see it wasn't a big deal and then they would go. Anna was pretty complacent about the whole thing (I think she was already thinking how she could con me into the family fun size bag of M&M's). Ashlyn was not so thrilled. She wasn't having a fit, but was definitely crying. Again - she's 5.

The door to the office opened and another mother and her small child walked out. The 6-foot, 200 pound, 40-something, Einstein-Professor-without-the-mustache-looking PA walked out and quietly told me that I needed to come on in (I wasn't done with my registration yet). I figured he was being smart and going to get Ashlyn's shot over with first, but boy was I wrong.

Here's the actual conversation:

PA Moron (my affectionate name for him now): Ma'am, I won't be able to give her the shot today?

Me: What?

PA Moron: Yeah, I can't deal with her like this. (He uses vague hand motions to indicate Ashlyn. Ashlyn is still crying, but not flailing around or screaming her head off.)

Me: What do you mean you can't deal with her like this?

PA Moron: I'm just not willing to give her a shot with her in this condition.

Me: (Ready to pounce.) What do you mean "in this condition"? She's five. Five-year-olds aren't thrilled with getting shots. This can't be a surprise for you?!? (said with us much sarcasm as possible)

PA Moron: Ma'am I just can't do it. (Ashlyn is now even more upset and Anna is now thinking she should be upset because Ashlyn is - lovely.)

Me: You have got to be kidding me!?! (yep - I've definitely raised my voice at this point) I called 20 minutes ago and was told you give shots to anyone over 18 months old. Are you telling me you don't give shots to ANYONE shedding even a tear, or are you just not qualified?

PA Moron: um...um...um...

Me: So you are telling me you are not man enough to give a 5-year-old a shot? Fine! Do you think you are man enough to give me mine? (Now, thinking back on this I realize this wasn't the smartest thing to say considering this the man that will be jabbing a needle in my arm.)

PA Moron: Uh - yeah. You'll need to complete the rest of your registration.

Me: Fine (I read over the form which mentions something about taking medication for allergies. I tell him I had my allergy shots the previous day and that I confirmed with my allergy doctor that it was totally fine to get my flu shot.)

PA Moron: Yeah...then I won't be able to do your shot either.

Me: You are kidding, right?!? (voice is definitely raised here) I asked my allergy doctor about it and they said the flu shot can be given without a problem.

PA Moron: uhhhhh...no. I won't be able to do it.

Me: Well - you are completely useless.

I then storm out of the office with my two traumatized children. I see another mom with her child outside the office. I say, "Did you hear any of that?". She says, "yes" and then just shakes her head in compassion for me.
__________________________________

Follow up: I set up an appointment with our pediatrician's office yesterday to get the girls their flu shots. I wasn't about to tempt fate again and try C*V*S or Wal*greens. Ashlyn was literally flailing about and screaming her head off this time, and the 20-something, maybe 120-pound, dainty nurse and I took control of the situation and gave that shot to her.

Take that you weak, PA Moron!