We all know your children's names now...

HOLY COW LADIES (at our YMCA pool yesterday)!

It is break time. That's when (typically) your hellions, oops - I mean "precious children", are supposed to be resting for a short amount of time before going back in the pool. I used to be a lifeguard (and had the Baywatch body to go with it - ahhhh - those were the days) and even though you think those 5-10 minutes are a hassle as you have to actually pay attention to your children during that time (obviously not something you do on a regular basis), those are typically the only minutes the kids have to (forcibly) take a break from their strenuous pool activities during high temperature days out in the sun. It is done to help your children, not hack you off.

While I truly enjoyed listening to the two of you berate the lifeguards and their "silly" policies, my favorite part was you yelling at the two youngest of your children - Mason and Ashley. Do you know how I know what their names are? Easy. You must have screamed their names no less than 100 times during that 5-10 break. And by screamed, I mean truly SCREAMED. I mean they heard you clearly in downtown Nashville (and we were a good 20 miles away from there).

"Ashley, get away from the edge of the pool!"
"Mason, stop running around!"
"Ashley, get back here!"
"Mason, don't throw my dried apricots in the pool!" (which the mother made NO attempt to go get)
"Ashley, stop gnawing on the lifeguard's leg!"
"Mason, make your head stop spinning and stop yakking up that pea soup!"
"Mason, Mason, Mason, Mason, Mason!"
"Ashley, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley!"

How about this ladies!?! Sit your kids' butts down on a pool chair and tell them to stay there til the whistle blows again. Period. End of story. Now SHUT UP and I hope to NEVER sit near you again!