Why I want to stab the C*V*S* Minute Clinic guy in the eye with a SPORK!!!

Let me preface this blog entry by telling you that normally I'm a big fan of the C*V*S* Minute Clinic. The Physicians Assistants (PA's) servicing these offices have always been kind and helpful to me and my kids when we've had to visit them instead of our regular pediatrician.

Until now!

It is flu shot season. Oh goodie! It is a necessary evil, but we get a shot each year - all four of us. I know a few people have had some issues with the flu shot and choose not to get them, but the flu shot has been our friend for the last five years and we see no reason to end that friendship anytime soon.

The girls have never been big fans of shots. Shoot - who is!?! And I definitely don't expect my two 5-year-olds to stand up and do a big cheer over the fact that someone will be jabbing a needle in their leg. 5-year-olds don't want shots - period! This is not some new revelation. But it was new to the moron servicing the Minute clinic on Tuesday.

I was prepared! The girls would get home from school, I would promise them a snack of ultimate greatness (any snack in the store girls) and we would get our shots and skip merrily out of the store. Tra-la-la-la-la.

Oh - what a hopeless optimist, I am.

If you've ever been to a C*V*S Minute Clinic you know you have to complete a computerized registration process outside the doors of the office. The door to the office was closed, so I knew someone else was in there. As I was completing the registration process, the girls had an "ah-ha" moment and realized they were there to get shots. Lovely.

I explained that I would get mine first so they could see it wasn't a big deal and then they would go. Anna was pretty complacent about the whole thing (I think she was already thinking how she could con me into the family fun size bag of M&M's). Ashlyn was not so thrilled. She wasn't having a fit, but was definitely crying. Again - she's 5.

The door to the office opened and another mother and her small child walked out. The 6-foot, 200 pound, 40-something, Einstein-Professor-without-the-mustache-looking PA walked out and quietly told me that I needed to come on in (I wasn't done with my registration yet). I figured he was being smart and going to get Ashlyn's shot over with first, but boy was I wrong.

Here's the actual conversation:

PA Moron (my affectionate name for him now): Ma'am, I won't be able to give her the shot today?

Me: What?

PA Moron: Yeah, I can't deal with her like this. (He uses vague hand motions to indicate Ashlyn. Ashlyn is still crying, but not flailing around or screaming her head off.)

Me: What do you mean you can't deal with her like this?

PA Moron: I'm just not willing to give her a shot with her in this condition.

Me: (Ready to pounce.) What do you mean "in this condition"? She's five. Five-year-olds aren't thrilled with getting shots. This can't be a surprise for you?!? (said with us much sarcasm as possible)

PA Moron: Ma'am I just can't do it. (Ashlyn is now even more upset and Anna is now thinking she should be upset because Ashlyn is - lovely.)

Me: You have got to be kidding me!?! (yep - I've definitely raised my voice at this point) I called 20 minutes ago and was told you give shots to anyone over 18 months old. Are you telling me you don't give shots to ANYONE shedding even a tear, or are you just not qualified?

PA Moron: um...um...um...

Me: So you are telling me you are not man enough to give a 5-year-old a shot? Fine! Do you think you are man enough to give me mine? (Now, thinking back on this I realize this wasn't the smartest thing to say considering this the man that will be jabbing a needle in my arm.)

PA Moron: Uh - yeah. You'll need to complete the rest of your registration.

Me: Fine (I read over the form which mentions something about taking medication for allergies. I tell him I had my allergy shots the previous day and that I confirmed with my allergy doctor that it was totally fine to get my flu shot.)

PA Moron: Yeah...then I won't be able to do your shot either.

Me: You are kidding, right?!? (voice is definitely raised here) I asked my allergy doctor about it and they said the flu shot can be given without a problem.

PA Moron: uhhhhh...no. I won't be able to do it.

Me: Well - you are completely useless.

I then storm out of the office with my two traumatized children. I see another mom with her child outside the office. I say, "Did you hear any of that?". She says, "yes" and then just shakes her head in compassion for me.
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Follow up: I set up an appointment with our pediatrician's office yesterday to get the girls their flu shots. I wasn't about to tempt fate again and try C*V*S or Wal*greens. Ashlyn was literally flailing about and screaming her head off this time, and the 20-something, maybe 120-pound, dainty nurse and I took control of the situation and gave that shot to her.

Take that you weak, PA Moron!

I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie...

Situation: I was trying to clean out the van of the immense amounts of trash, old lollipops, hair bows, spider rings & Chuck E. Cheese tokens before letting the girls in to go somewhere (I don't even remember where now). We have the side doors that automatically close when you push a button on the door or on the key chain. I accidentally pushed the button with my elbow during the "cleaning" process, and was half in, half out of the van.

Van: BEEP! (door starts sliding closed)

Me: Oops!

Ashlyn & Anna: Uh, oh Mommy!

The sliding door hits me on the hip, stops the closing process and opens back up (safety feature on our van).

Anna: Thank goodness you've got a big butt Mommy. That door could have hurt you, but your big butt stopped it.

Me: Yep - I'm quite thankful for my big butt, honey.

Note to self...

Shelley – you are not in the comfort of your own home all the time anymore. You need to wait until you are in a door-closed-behind-you bathroom stall BEFORE unbuttoning your pants. Most people don’t want to see your unbuttoned pants and flashes of underwear as they exit the office building's public women's restroom.

You did what?!?!?

Scene: Last night after a full day of pumpkin farms and outside play. The girls are getting ready for bed. Anna is in the bonus room with Daddy playing her 1,001st game of Go Fish. Ashlyn is in the bathroom with me brushing her teeth. Anna and Daddy can see and hear us from the bonus room.

Me: Ok Ashlyn - please brush your teeth so we can get you in the shower.

Ashlyn: (brushing very slowly)

Me: C'mon Ashlyn - we only have a few minutes til bedtime and you need to get clean.

Ashlyn: (still brushing very slowly) Mommy, I have something to tell you. (That phrase is never good and I can tell by the way she has her head bowed that this is definitely not something good that is about to come out of her mouth.)

Me: What honey? (I say through gritted teeth.)

Ashlyn: Mommy, we washed the pumpkins.

Me: I know, I gave you the special towels to use. (They brought their small pumpkins upstairs to their bathroom to wash them and I gave them a couple old dishtowels to use to dry them.)

Ashlyn: Yeah, we used our toothbrushes.

Me: WHAT!!!!!!

Ashlyn: We used our toothbrushes to clean the pumpkins.

At this point, I walk (more like march) into the bonus room and ask Chris if he just heard that. He is trying to control his laughter and Anna says, "Ashlyn said to do it". Way to pass off that blame girlie-girl.

I then tried to explain to both girls why we don't need to wash anything but our teeth with our toothbrushes. That alone was a comical experience, but Chris and I were still giggling about them telling us the rest of the night.

Now I'm off to buy new toothbrushes!

Pumpkin Farm Time

One of our favorite yearly POTATO events is the Pumpkin Farm outing. We always have a great time and today was no different. The weather was perfect - maybe even a little too hot. We had great food and were able to visit with other POTATO families.

I've added pics to the flickr side bar (on the right side of the blog). Feel free to click anywhere on that "badge" and you can see all the pictures from today's adventure.

This picture was taken in the actual pumpkin field. The girls chose great pumpkins and they are now positioned right in front of the ones Chris & I chose as well as the two we grew in our own backyard.

Greetings from non-internet land

You would think I have given up caffeine again. My addiction to the internet and email has become amazingly clear for me the past few days as the girls and I are in Mississippi visiting my grandmother. Mimi (as we affectionately call her) doesn't have the internet...or a computer...or a garage door opener. I thought I might have to admit myself to technology rehab (as I was craving it bad!), but I found the remote control to the TV and that has calmed me down somewhat.

You see, I brought my laptop with me as I have been able to "borrow" the internet from Mimi's neighbors on previous visits. We have been here almost three days and this is the first time I've been able to get on the internet. Don't these neighbors know I have emails to answer and blogs to update!?! Geez people - increase your wireless strengths!

I first logged on to check on the status of Makenzie, check my email and play a few word games (priorities people!). Now I'm here updating the blog as I promised myself I would do better at that (and the grandparents are starting to send vicious hate mail).

First - do you remember the pumpkin plant we had in our back yard? Well - it wielded two nice pumpkins. Here's a pic of the girls with our "crop". And - as a side note - do you know how nasty it is to clean up the debris left from a LARGE pumpkin plant? NASTY!!!! The inside of the pumpkin vine looks just like the inside of a pumpkin - orange and stringy and gooey. Double ICK! We are quite proud of ourselves for this unintentional agricultural experiment and will definitely attempt to do it again.

Second - we thought we were being wonderful parents and decided to take the girls to a Halloween movie night (Shrek & It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown) on Saturday at a nearby park/subdivision. We had the blankets, chairs and drinks packed. We showed up right on time - one day late. Yep - the movie night was Friday - as it was CLEARLY posted on the ad we had cut out and brought with us as well as the LARGE signage entering the subdivision. We already felt stupid enough, but the best was when one of the girls said, as they made it abundantly clear how unhappy they were about the situation, "What kind of parents are you?!?!"

That's all for now as I'm not sure how much longer my pirated internet will stay up and running. I'll (hopefully) post more later.

Thank Goodness!!!!

Our computer is up and running again.

Quick details.

Over a week ago the home computer died. Tried using can of "air" to clean all the insides and make it feel nice and fresh again to start working. Didn't work. Tried hurling can of air at computer to make it work. Didn't work. Took it in to new Tech guy at work and promised cans of Red Bull and an assortment of pocket protectors. Hallelujah! It works.

I tease, but a big thanks to Josh for fixing my "baby". Now - I only have about a month's worth of posts to catch up on. I had better get to work.

I Can't Even Begin...

...to adequately put into words what is happening to the family of a close friend of mine. I think I'll start from the beginning and work from there.

If you have ever received parenting advice from me, I assure you that 95% of that advice was passed on to me from Kathleen Matthews. Kathleen and her husband Wilson are the parents of twin 8 year old girls - Madison & Makenzie - and a 5-year-old son - Justin. Of course, I met Kathleen through POTATO and we've been great friends ever since. She is truly my "twin guru" and our personalities are extremely similar (think Type A meets Super anal, but WAY prettier & funnier).

To cut to the chase...almost two weeks ago Makenzie was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I won't go into all the details other than to say this was extremely unexpected and out of the blue. Makenzie went from being diagnosed with the tumor, to an 11 hour brain surgery, to being diagnosed with brain cancer within a 96-hour period. It truly boggles the mind - especially when you think that Makenzie is only 8 years old and weighs about 55 pounds.

I have been amazed at the outpouring of love and prayers from the people in the Matthews' lives and from people they don't even know. Makenzie has a website through CarePages - an online "blog" of sorts for people with life-changing health events, and they are receiving hundreds of messages from people all over praying and thinking of Makenzie and the family during this difficult time. I encourage you to check the CarePages site out, log in and sign up for the updates Kathleen and Wilson are making regarding Makenzie's progress. It is amazing to read their words of hope, fear, faith, encouragement, discouragement and love during this tumultuous time in their lives.

Please take a moment (or 20, or 100) to pray for or send good thoughts to the Matthews family. I will post some updates, but the best way to keep posted on Makenzie's progress is through the CarePages site. Plus, Kathleen and Wilson ready every comment posted on the site, so feel free to leave an encouraging message.

*The picture is of the Matthews family the night before Makenzie's surgery. Makenzie loved that she could wear those fancy pajamas.

Dear HellMart Cashier....

I know, I know....I haven't blogged for a while. And I absolutely have stuff to blog about.

When I logged in this morning to post a picture that I thought I had downloaded (dang it - I didn't), I found the post below saved as a draft from July. Since I have nothing to post today, I thought I would just finally publish this one. Enjoy.
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Dear HellMart Cashier;

When I walk into Hell-Mart (my affectionate name for Wal*Mart for those new to this blog), I truly expect VERY little. I believe this store is a drain on our society, but DANG IT, those low prices sometimes drag the Cheap A** in me into your dark crevices. This is especially true when you are selling my sweet nectar of life - Diet Coke - for $2 less than any other store. Today was one of those days.

When I entered your "20 items and under SPEEDY CHECKOUT" line today (no kidding - the sign says "speedy checkout), I thought for sure it wouldn't take that long to get out the door. Boy was I wrong.

I'm not sure who within HellMart defined your checkout skills as "speedy", but I'm thinking he might be a turtle or snail lover, possibly a turtle or snail himself. Or he might possibly be dead. I literally watched my life pass before my eyes as I watched you scan one item after another with record-breaking slowness. I think I could actually see the hairs growing on my legs as you proceeded with the two people in front of me (no other line was open, because Heaven forbid HellMart be customer service savvy).

And when I finally got up to the checkout for my turn and the little credit card payment box thingy asked, "Was your cashier friendly today?", I practically laughed out loud as I searched for the "Are you freakin' kidding me?!?" button to select as you didn't even crack a smile or even make eye contact with me. I realize you are probably not thrilled to work for such a cruddy company, but there are other places that will pay you the same to do work that might be more appropriate for you. For example:

1. Golf Courses - you would be perfect at watching the grass grow so the greens managers can be aware of any problems on the course.

2. High School Detention Officer - nothing like watching the seconds click by along with the students, and it is very possible that you have super powers to make those seconds click by even slower (that's how it felt while in your lane).

3. Frown Judge - I know that isn't an actual job, but you would truly be excellent at it. I don't think I've ever seen anyone keep a frown on their face as long as you did. Did you know it takes more muscle work to frown than to smile?

Am I being a bit harsh? Probably, but I have yet to have a good experience in HellMart and I just need to quit hoping for things to change.

Sincerely,

Irritated, but optimistic mom

Where, oh where has my treadmill key gone?

Oh where, oh where could it be?

See this?

This is the “key” that makes my treadmill run. This is the key that my children have been apparently playing with and have lost somewhere in the depths of our bonus room (think needle in a haystack). This is the key I searched high and low for at 5am this morning because that is when I decided is the only time I can get in any sort of workout in my now insanely busy days.

Darn key! Darn kids! Darn treadmill!

Want to know what will stop a running woman in her tracks?

In my attempt to be a better blogger, I just had to go ahead and post this while I'm thinking about it (and while my critters are currently captivated in my diary from when I was 9 years old - such scandal in those pages).

I've been pretty slack with my exercise routine since the girls went to school, I went back to work, and apparently the PTO is trying to break the world's record of the most meetings in a two week period. I took advantage of some time this morning (I held my husband at gun point) and went for a run. Running in my neighborhood on a Saturday morning is a bit dangerous - especially for a deal whore like me.

There were THREE - yep, three - yard sales in our subdivision today. And - of course - I had to interrupt the great speed I was running (stop laughing) and stop and look. The first two sales didn't have anything to pique my interest, but the 3rd one was a winner! I made a few selections, took them to the homeowner, asked for a price, haggled a bit and told them I would be back to pick up my purchases.

Yep - I am the ultimate multi-tasker! I can exercise, listen to a book (on my mp3 player while running) and shop a yard sale all within 45 minutes. Woohoo!

And my purchases...well, I was able to score a brand new pair of Old Navy jeans, two brand new sweaters, a cool purse and a few other odds and ends all for $5. Ya gotta love that kinda deal!

busy, busy, bees

buzz, buzz, buzz - so much is going on. I promise to elaborate and post more pictures, but for now let me explain why there haven't been too many posts.

1. The girls started kindergarten.

2. I started back to work.

3. I am on the PTO Board.

4. I am Co-Room-Mom for one of the girls' class.

5. I am still the POTATO President.

6. I have lost my freakin' mind.

Yep - that's it in a nutshell.

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round n' Round

The girls rode the bus home from school for the first time last week. They were THRILLED!!!! Of course we had to get video of the momentous occasion.

PS. Could I sound any more southern? Geez!

We just love the Olympics!

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A little riddle

What happens when you unlock the van door and not closely watch your children while talking to several family members in the parking lot of a restaurant?

And the tears, they were a flowin'

I've done well this past week. I've not been a blubbering mess like many other mothers I've seen in the kindergarten hallways. Yes - I have shed a tear or two, but they were able to be daintily brushed away without too much ado.

Til today.

Today was our second full day of kindergarten with each girl's full class (they do a whole phasing in process in our county that involves half the class some days, half days on others, twister competitions and cattle prodding - basically MUCH ado). If students get to school early they sit in the gym separated by grade level and are then herded (that's where the cattle prod comes in) to their classrooms when the teachers are ready. The kindergartners sit in the middle of the gymnasium on the mascot's pictures.

I asked the girls if they wanted to sit with the other kindergartners and they were all for it. Ashlyn was already dancing on the mascot's head in the middle of the gym by the time I finished asking them. We sat down with the other kiddies and a few of their parents. After a couple minutes the girls looked at each other knowingly (they do that all the time and it drives me insane as I just KNOW they are using that twin mental telepathy!) and then Ashlyn said to me, "Mommy, you can go now."

Say what?!?

But I wasn't ready to go. I hadn't "let go" yet. I needed them to hold my hand and tell me everything was going to be okay. I need them to hug me and pat me on my back til I calmed down.

Hey wait - who's the parent and who is the child here?

So I stood up, kissed them both and told them I loved them. I walked out of the gym and then watched them march out to the kindergarten hall without them knowing I was still there.

And then I cried all the way back to my van. Big alligator tears. And that's okay.

Yesterday was one of these days

Vacation Boo Hoo Breakfast

I've just recently been downloading pictures from our vacation and editing them to be made into a slideshow at some point (don't hold your breath). I came across these and just had to go ahead and post them.

After we loaded up the truck to leave Seagrove, we stopped by this quaint little restaurant in Seaside to have breakfast before hitting the road. We called it our Boo Hoo Breakfast as we didn't want to leave Florida. So we all made our saddest faces...




(side note: why on earth does it look like my hair is up in some sort of freakish bun. i almost look like a deranged conehead.)

Happy Birthday! (One Day Late)

“Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a daddy.”

-Anne Geddes

Happy Birthday Chris/Daddy!

(Actually yesterday was his birthday and we celebrated last night, but with all the craziness of kindergarten, I wasn't able to update the blog. This is my attempt at creative photography and fiddling with my Photoshop program. We printed out one of these and had it framed for Daddy's desk at work.)

1st Day of Kindergarten

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.

Anne Frank

1st Day of Kindergarten Breakfast - waffles and strawberries!

C'mon Mom! We're ready to go!

Anna in her classroom. Yep - that's a bathtub behind her. Cool classroom!

Ashlyn in her classroom. She was ready to boot me out the door at this point.

Now I have to go cry into my Diet Coke.